Low on the Totem Pole

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Patients are usually given hospital non-skid slipper-socks that have rubber on the bottom for safety to prevent falls.  I couldn't help but laugh when I read in a two-month-old baby's chart, "Non-skid slippers were issued to prevent falls."

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A parent, in writing about her daughter's psychiatric history, wrote that she had been diagnosed with "psycofrenia".  I'm not sure if she meant "psychosis" or "schizophrenia" - but her daughter didn't have those.

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One of the most amusing names I have seen a parent give their child: Ho'nasty.  Spelled exactly like that.  When asked about pronunciation, the mom was clearly irritated and said, "It's pronounced HONESTY!" in a tone that indicated she thought it was obvious.

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One family counseling session took a turn towards the couple needing marital counseling.  The couple was not getting along and couldn't agree on what to do for their son.  At one point, the social worker asked, "Are you two ever on the same page?"  To which, the wife said "No" and the husband said "Yes".

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A patient of mine was especially upset about receiving one of her medications at 6pm instead of 8pm.  Every time I saw this patient, she asked me repeatedly about changing the order.  I continued telling her that I would discuss it with the team, but the team never actually changed the time.  Eventually, she said in exasperation, "Can't YOU just change the order?"  I explained that we're not allowed or able to alter any orders and she smirked and said, "Oh, so you're THAT low on the totem pole."  I could only smile and say, "Yeah, pretty much."

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