Simple Ohio?

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One patient that my team saw weighed over 400 pounds and had numerous medical issues because of it.  He needed a heart transplant, but his weight and comorbities made him ineligible.  Our attending, trying to encourage him asked if he had ever considered bariatric surgery (As a side note, I find it humorous that spell checker is trying to correct bariatric to barbaric).
He replied: "But I don't eat that much!"
Attending: "With all due respect sir, you weigh over 400 pounds, you must be eating something."
Patient (quite seriously): "Not really...but I do drink a few liters of vodka every day."

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Medical notes are often uninteresting, mostly informative and [hopefully] usually accurate, but one I saw lately had me quite perplexed.  I was reading a patient's history before I went to see them attempting to figure out what the story was before I went to see the patient and this is what I read:
Smoking history: 1/2 pack per day for 20 years, since age 15 (patient is 62)
Drinking history: 3 drinks per week, 1.5 ounces per week; drinks socially 1-2 times/month

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My attending, while describing a patient that we theorized was mentally challenged: "Maybe he's just simple!"
Resident: "That simple?"
Attending: "Maybe he's just an Ohio guy."
Resident: "What, what?!"
Attending: "No...I think he's just really sweet."
Me: "I don't think I understand how you're using these terms..."

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One patient was admitted because his ICD had shocked him ten times in 24 hours.  Having an electrical impulse jolt your body unexpectedly is life saving but can also be quite traumatic for the patients.  This particular patient was in heart failure and desperately needed a heart transplant.  Part of the work up for heart transplant is a colonoscopy - in part to be sure a heart doesn't go to a patient who has active cancer. Upon hearing that he would need a colonoscopy, the patient calmly stated:
"Man, I hope this thing doesn't shock me while something is up my butt...that would suck!"

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One patient I saw had numerous issues including a history of Munchausen syndrome, bipolar disorder and panic attacks.  She was admitted for "fainting spells" that were seeming more and more factitious as we worked her up for medical causes.  The patient was also struggling with some bad constipation and hadn't had a bowel movement in several days.  At one point, I walked in and asked: "What's going on?" to which the husband replied, "She's full of sh**."  To this day, I'm still trying to figure out which issue the husband was describing.

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